Woke up with badly swollen eyes, after finally letting go of my tears over Jason and looking and feeling old...only to see the fog hanging over the city skyline.
I'd had an odd dream that included Jason, not just as my friend but we were neighbors in what seemed like a Stepford Wives life. (I think some of that came from our conversations as well about what we had "wanted" in life and we both had agreed that although we loved our independence, we both craved an old fashioned lifestyle). This made me realize what I had hated about my own past marriage, that feeling as though I had been the male lead and had to be the primary breadwinner. In this dream Jason and I sat having coffee and apparently I was sharing just that story, as I was in his home. It was very odd that parts of this dream still had me as I currently live, my apartment in Seattle but it was like living in the mid 1950's.
This was a very odd story also given the fact that I was with my gay friend in the mid 1950's and that I realized that what I shared with Jason had a profound impact on me. Not having friends around (like I need) I believe that's also why this bond with Jason was so immediate and needed. But why did this dream remind me that I want to be an "old fashioned wife"??
What does this dream mean?
I still had my independence, but apparently I lived in the Mad Men era?? And I was happy...
1 comment:
There's nothing wrong in wanting what you want. It is, after all, your life. "Old fashioned" is just a label, with a mostly negative valence in our postmodern culture. If you are ready to fall into the comfort of a relationship in which you feel protected, taken care of (for lack of a better turn of phrase), and/or pampered, then I don't think anyone should judge or criticize you for such desires. Life should be what you make of it, Sweetie. ~C.
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