PASSION

You've allowed me to show you who I really am - Passionate, Simple, Erratic, Dramatic, Loving, Giving and just plain little old me.  And what you've given me in this short amount of time is: hope, strength, admiration, sincerity, thoughtfulness, intelligence, passion as well and longing!  Am I scared - of course!  I'm scared to lose it because my instincts know that I will make a mistake that will make you leave (I've already tried to keep you) and because I'm blissfully happy and passionately infatuated about you! 

Its the longing to touch you, to just look at you and like I said - to just absorb that moment with you.  To feel your breath, to be in your arms, the deep passionate sex and the strength you devote.  How could anyone not want to keep that? 

I whined on Wednesday and I let go on Thursday.  My sister reminded me that I'm a good person, apparently you were just trying to convey that in your text "your a good dame" (my mind went to a stupid reaction) but once I let go and had my cry and scream, that fear brought out what I DO love about myself - I am a very passionate woman. 

What that means is that I ultimately will replace this apartment with something that still will convey my passion, my tactile existence and I will share those pictures with my blogging buddies and friends.  I will create something passionately beautiful again.

Job, I need to find the passion and direction again that keeps me going, but I also need to add back my creativity!!  Side job (events/fun)...

Dating/relationships: here's the tricky part.  What got me 25 years was the fact that I accepted as I went along, I dealt with what was given me, I fixed what didn't work but I still kept myself up and moved forward.  I gave whole heartedly, I felt with everything I could, and I loved devotedly.  I'm NOT a good dater, I prefer to be IN a relationship, where I can enjoy getting to know that person - good and bad, give and take.  But its finding that right man who can just shut off what his own expectations and be strong (yes I need Rhett), giving, passionate and willing to accept me as I am.  I want to grow old FEELING, having tried, listening, shutting up, being by his side and I want this...

Thank you for reminding me what a truly passionate woman I am.  I woke up this morning, looked out at the city lights, felt oddly serene.  I could feel my fingertips tingle, my lips felt plump and my mouth salivated as I swallowed.  In the pit of my stomach a great warmth, not like an illness but truly a PASSIONATE desire.  It was similar to how I feel just before I climax and it felt very damn good.  It was a flushed feeling.  The soft sheets felt cooler to my touch because of the warmth of my hands.  I turned over to brush them against my cheek and my naked body lay there for a moment in my solitude (alone) as I immediately smiled.