One recent friend is The Planner. He's shown me such a wonderful insight into myself, or is it merely showing me myself? I want to believe because of his own nature of being a 'tactile' person/lover/friend that we share that mutual bond. Or maybe I just give him more credit than is deserved? Either way, he's been a comfort to me, both physically and emotionally. Although I think he grows weary of dealing with me, which is never a surprise given my past; I know that he has/had a purpose and its one I truly value. I just read a wonderful passage from Ralph Waldo Emerson's "Self Reliance" that makes me think of The Planner. "What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think. This rule, equally arduous in actual and in intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is harder, because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it. It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude". The Planner and I had a great passion for one another but when we were away from that, trying to be with one another, I would notice HIS solitude and my forever question was, "What?" (just like a child, what was he thinking, what was he feeling, what did I do wrong, what made him go away, what made him interested in me... what, what, what?)
"I shall endeavour to nourish my parents, to support my family, to be the chaste husband of one wife, - but these relations I must fill after a new and unprecedented way. I appeal from your customs. I must be myself. I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you. If you can love me for what I am, we shall be the happier. If you cannot, I will still seek to deserves that you should. I will not hide my tastes or aversions. I will so trust that what is deep is holy, that I will do strongly before the sun and moon whatever inly rejoices me, and the heart appoints. If you are noble, I will love you; if you are not, I will not hurt you and myself by hypocritical attentions. If you are true, but not in the same truth with me, cleave to your companions; I will seek my own. I do this not selfishly, but humbly and truly. ... You will soon love what is dictated by your nature as well as mine, and, if we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last".
The other wonderful individual is my little sister. She's been my best friend, my life support and my mentor. How ironic that as I had always felt that I was her's as we grew up and now she has become the woman I wish I could be. She has endured so much of her own pain, her own dealings and has continued to strive for success and for love. She is an amazing woman and how and what she says to me has also moved me to tears, to make me think, sometimes make me upset - but only when I know she is truthful to the point of 'pain'.
So my Self Reflection is WHAT? What's next, what are you doing, what will you do to make that change, what is your duty?
The other wonderful individual is my little sister. She's been my best friend, my life support and my mentor. How ironic that as I had always felt that I was her's as we grew up and now she has become the woman I wish I could be. She has endured so much of her own pain, her own dealings and has continued to strive for success and for love. She is an amazing woman and how and what she says to me has also moved me to tears, to make me think, sometimes make me upset - but only when I know she is truthful to the point of 'pain'.
1 comment:
I am the little sister who will always be here for my beautiful, INTELLIGENT, wonderful, funny, giving sister. There is SO much of you (TSS)in the realm of things, you haven't even scratched the surface of what needs to be exposed. Keep scratching...
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